I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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