You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
