I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
