So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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