I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
