Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
