why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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