"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
