just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
