Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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