Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
