well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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