don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
