Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
