you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
