The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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