High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
