Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
