Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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