So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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