This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
