with your own penis?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
