are you so shy because you have an std?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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