Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And then he peed in my hair
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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