Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
