During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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