So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
