WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
