If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
