Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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