Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
