just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
