so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Do vagina's smell?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
