I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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