Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
