Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
please come you make the beer taste better
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
