He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
