We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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