watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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