You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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