just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
