remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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