stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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