Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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