some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
