Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
