I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
