My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
