No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
