I bet he comes in French.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
