he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
